In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
