i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
