Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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