I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
