Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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