Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
