WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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