Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
