did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
