i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
