why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
