What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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