We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
