While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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