YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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