it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
