i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
