I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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