Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
