explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
