She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
