I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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