He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
