wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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