wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
