I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
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