Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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