just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
