Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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