can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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