cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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