i permit you to call me
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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