literally had 100 drinks last night.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
