The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
