Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
