please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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