Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
