its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
