I love black thongs
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
do nipples grow back?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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