My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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