be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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