The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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