You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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