Porn is love you can see.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
