Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
