I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
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