My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
