So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Randomize
