Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
