My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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