Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
