I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Just invented taco cereal.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Randomize
